Dearest Sabine

The boat left early hours of the dawn. I cannot explain to you the unexpected joy of setting foot aboard this abomination of a vessel, which is crafted from the lumber of evil, flutter of vile sails and labor of betrayal. But to me this is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen because it serves only one terminal purpose for my life, to bring me closer to you.  My sobbing face has exploded time and time again, and the shrapnel of truth injured my heart fatally and all is about to extinguish but Allah has decreed that today’s sun to be the sun of benevolence and shall rise through the east of mine heart and I am that slave that has to endure one last day in the prison of this earth. Well… as I came to know, today’s sun was the last of all suns for me.

Like the birds flying north to the sanctuary of love, I am on this vessel coming north to find you. They tell me about America. I cannot comprehend how big it is, I cannot fathom what you do in there or how you live there but I am flying my beloved to come to you. I am half-man half-pain and I am purpose-less and eye-less:

In the shade of her skin
I find refuge
From blistering light of this world
Her darkness, home
To my scorched heart
And when the light of this world
Blinds my insatiable eyes

In the shade of her skin
Silent words of her fullest lips
Nurse this sightless slave
And when my eyes
In her darkness, deep
Behold once more…

In the shade of her skin
I mine for eternal wealth
Rubies, pearls and gold
Naked, hungry and cold
Crawling, crushed under the light of this world

In the shade of her skin
I find warmth
Silken robe of her piety
My withering body, she cloaks
To cover my shame
To cover my hurt
Silver bracelet
Silver of Paradise
She braces my broken wrists

The joy of even imagining to see you one last time, seems better than being together all our lives. If I find you, I know that very moment I shall measure its newfound wealth by the gratitude in my heart and nothing and I must say again nothing will prevent me to fall to my death. Past will not matter, future will not exist and the present shall pause for eternity and you my beloved Sabine will be the Hijab(veil) that my death shall pull away to debut the man for real I am. I shall shine through you, the universe shall pause and all will see the Tuba [1] creature of Paradise wrapped in the epic beauty, but all this infiniteness, possible for one briefest of all moments and the very last of my moments.

Sails are set and I gaze upon the Port Au Prince, where I fell in love with you, my life-sentenced prison and today my irrevocable past. I cried for Haiti. I could hardly believe that there are still tears left alive in the graveyard of my face. Something… somehow delivered the edict that I shall never again return nor see Haiti. I was born in Haiti crying, I left Haiti in tears and in between did not matter one bit. I did not even wipe my tears; Sabine let people see them, all I have or shall I say all I accumulated through the years are these tears. I am coming to you my love by the grace of my Lord with nothing except the pearl of these tears. Jewels for the glittering sable crown of Haiti’s Prince. The uncontested prince of all broken hearts!

[1] Tuba: Arabic/Koranic word for everlasting unconditional happiness or the name for a fantastic large tree in Paradise, the fiber of its blossoms makes up the gowns of righteous dwellers. Koran Ar-Rad (Thunder) 13:29

Background: Haiti Port Au Prince 1948. Sultan of love never forgets.

© 2003-2002,  Dara Shayda